Psychic Vampires are a drain… literally and figuratively! If you’re not sure if you’ve got a psychic vampire in your life (or aren’t really sure what that is) then here’s some insight:
- a person who always makes you feel tired when you’re with them or after you’ve hung out with them
- a person who is very critical of you or your ideas and doesn’t offer up much positivity toward you
- a person who is generally negative about things that don’t necessitate a negative perspective (like minor road blocks in their day, getting upset about things they can’t control like a sports game, choosing to see gifts for what they’re lacking than what they’re providing, etc)
- a person who asks for more than they’re willing to provide (like asks to borrow money but wouldn’t do the same for you if you needed it)
- someone who excessively worries or always chooses to see the scary or “bad” side of things (“don’t break your leg crossing the street!” like… why would I… what?!)
- someone who doesn’t want to budge whether they’re right or wrong and doesn’t really listen to your reason or what you’re saying unless it’s to further impose their point of view (aka a super stubborn, obstinate person)
- someone who will do anything they can to force you to do what they want
- a person who employs the use of guilt to try to manipulate you into doing what they want
- basically manipulative, condescending, negative, mean, catty, rude, critical, hurtful, douchey douchebags who make you feel bad, tired, combative, or otherwise not excellent when you’re with them for any length of time
So now that you have an idea of what a psychic vampire is and how to identify the presence of one (or many) in your own day to day life, how do you protect yourself when dealing with them? While a lot of the spiritual advice out there regarding psychic vampires and how to deal with them is super helpful and enlightening in ways, it doesn’t teach you how to deal with vampires you can’t get away from.
Sometimes in the day to day lives of lots of people (yours truly included) psychic vampires are a part of your experience whether that means they’re family, friends, or people you work with. And of course, that’s a small fraction of the possible scenarios you may encounter with a psychic vampire that you aren’t immediately able to get away from. Imagine that you were once married or in a relationship and you must share custody with your ex (psychic vampire) meaning you will for the foreseeable future need to interact with someone who is a drain on your energy. You might have a neighbor that is very draining that you can’t always avoid who, despite your best efforts, seeks you out from time to time to leech off your energy. You might even have some other mandated relationship that you can’t get out of like a doctor provided through your limited health insurance or a state social worker who helps you with assistance programs where you may find yourself in a worse position or lose access to necessary services by asking to get away from someone you know is a threat to your emotional well being.
Whatever the case may be, there are excellent tactics you can use to beef up your emotional and psychic health to avoid being drained without your permission. I liken it to fixing up an older home– if you don’t know where the leaks, cracks, and other elements in need of repair are, then how can you protect yourself against the elements?
In other words, here are the suggestions for dealing with psychic vampires in your day to day life that aren’t “just cut the negative people out of your life and surround yourself with better people.” You won’t have to figure out how to Dragon Ball Z yourself through these painful interactions every week or die a shriveled corpse of emotional wreckage any longer!
While you may have some of your own tactics that work well (feel free to share in the comments!) these are some of the things I have done that have helped me survive and sometimes thrive (if I follow my own advice) living in a nest of psychic vampires called my emotional life. I hope you’ll find them as helpful for your life as I have for mine. 🙂
1. Eat healthy!
By eat healthy I mean you best get on that Paleo, Raw ‘Til 4, clean eating train. If you have some malicious and cheeky vampires trying to sap you dead with their vitriol and negativity, you have to be healthy and that starts with proper nourishment. Yeah, it does kind of suck to basically be on a permanent cleanse but I assure you this is the #1 best thing I’ve ever done to maintain and deal with the draining nonsense.
If you keep infusing your spirit and body with healthy, nourishing, wholesome, nutritious foods, you will find that the people around you will start doing that too. And believe it or not when those people (vampires or not) start eating healthier, they will start acting healthier. Your experience will lighten up just by infusing yourself with nourishing healthy foods and inspiring those around you to do the same! While it’s not going to be a perfect solution, and I don’t recommend staying in an abusive vampiric situation any longer than you have to, just know that it really does help to eat healthy. If you are the change, change will happen around you and that is always a good thing!
Of course there may be resistance to your change in positive eating habits and you may have to contend with vitriol and attacks directed around your diet so remind yourself that if it wasn’t what you’re eating it would be something else. Remember that it’s about keeping yourself strong and healthy so you can better deal with the exact thing these attacks are trying to stop you from doing: defend yourself! When you become healthier and stronger, you move from a state of defense to a state of offense where you can stop an attack from even starting! That’s the ideal place to be! So level up your diet and watch yourself transform into the strong and confident beauty you always knew you could be.
If you want assistance with what to eat, contact Sarah for cleanses and personalized nutrition advice!
Yes, Meditate! Meditation is the time where your body repairs itself and you take a mental and physical accounting of your inner and outer bodies and your day. Depending on how intense your psychic vampire situation is, you may feel like you’re constantly in battle for your own damn energy. So imagine how after a commanding solider has been in battle and the battle is over they must go on the field and take inventory of the wounded, dead, and tend to everything? In other words, just because the battle is over does not mean the job of a soldier is complete! Meditation can be like that post-battle clean-up and wound tending time. Taking time to meditate is crucial especially when you are in hostile circumstances like being surrounded by psychic vampires. Your energy is precious and if you are being attacked and targeted with negativity, vitriol, hate, and fear, you will need to give your mind and inner space time to “detox” all of that– to process all of the emotions that evoked within you.
Give your inner commander time to send reinforcements, medics, and take inventory of the situation. You must give yourself time to recover! And the great thing is that our body is super efficient and it takes anywhere from 5 – 20 minutes depending on how often you meditate and how intense the draining situation was. So if you give yourself time, you will be able to face the heat.
And as with eating healthy foods, you will find that after awhile, meditation will cease to be something you do to repair yourself and maintain a neutral or slightly positive disposition in face of all these psychic drainers, but will transform into something you do to empower and invigorate yourself! Meditation won’t be a necessary defense tactic, it will be your favored offensive line. 🙂
Walk, bike, run, lift, kick and punch– do something physical. No, yoga doesn’t count. I am a yoga teacher and I am telling you as a person who has been dealing with this high level BS for awhile now, yoga is great and you should do yoga but don’t think that’s good enough. It’s not. Go for a run before or after your yoga class if you’re going to yoga class and dealing with psychic vampires. If you don’t like running, go swimming, biking, walking, or do something that gets your heart rate up. HIIT (or High Intesity Interval Training) can be a great physical exercise that doesn’t require a lot of time to engage in (anywhere from 10 – 20 minutes with most series).
If things are particularly frustrating and challenging, the “harder” the exercise is, the more you will be able to let go. I’ve found that Muay Thai or kickboxing really does it for me. I usually feel like I’m going to pass out which is exactly what you need with this situation so get on the hit-kick train and ride it all the way to the station. Though it should be noted that while you can exercise intensely to “let off steam,” it is important to remember that angrily engaging in any physical activity will not help you. Becoming physical when in an agitated state will only increase your agitation. If you’re really angry or frustrated, take some deep breaths and remind yourself this exercise is for you and your health and well being and not about the person or situation causing you frustration. Then proceed happily (or as close to happily as possible) toward your exercise of choice!
4. Yoga (asana)!
Of course while exercise is important, I have to tell you yoga is crucial! It’s moving meditation and it helps keep you limber and flexible. Now, I’m not just talking physically “flexible” because it really doesn’t matter if you can touch your toes. The flexibility is in your mind and that’s where it counts. If you are constantly bending and opening your physical body, you are less prone to physical injury. But the way that yoga opens you while keeping you calm and centered helps to expand your mind as well! Because you can release during yoga, you’ll find a deep peacefulness that you can carry with you throughout the rest of your day or week.
Additionally, being able to move and sweat and release while focusing on your breath is the distinguishing part of yoga versus regular exercise (“typical” exercise). Working with your breath is key! It’s hard to hold your breath and hold on to the negative anger and emotions while you’re being told to exhale and inhale and moving in rhythm with that breath. Even if you do Bikram or hot yoga, which by its design is intense, you’ll find that you want to breath deeply and methodically so you don’t pass out. There is no way in that hot sweaty hell you can hold on to much of anything if you want to make it out walking instead of stumbling toward cooler air (unless it’s Vegas in the summer…).
Yoga stimulates your parasympathetic nerve response which means that instead of making you want to fight or run away, you want to relax. Sure, your mind may be rehashing all the negative interactions you went through immediately before yoga class (or that await you afterwards) but you are mindfully moving through your physical postures, gaining strength and empowerment, and breathing through it all! The breath helps you to stay centered and relaxed and, as you may notice from time to time, get into a more positive head space. When you are angry or frustrated, you tend to hold your breath and tighten your muscles– yoga helps you to relax and breath and that is very important!
How does this help you with a psychic vampire? Staying relaxed is annoying to people trying to bring you down (so they can drain your positive energy) because it means you are going to make decisions that are better for you as instead of immediately reacting (aka “what did you say????”) you’re taking the time to respond in a meaningful and positive (for you) way (aka “I understand what you’re saying. I feel…”). If someone persists in approaching you with negativity, yoga helps you take a deep breath and move through it– just like moving through a challenging pose to the next relieving pose.
It’s also believed that we store emotions in our bodies. If you think about the parts of your body that tense up when you get upset or that release when you are happy, you can probably see there is some validity in this belief. Yoga helps to release and unwind all the knots that you’ve acquired from those stressful instances. As you become more flexible, you will find that the tightness is lessened and eventually you will know how to instantly release or not tighten in the first place. Tightness in your body on a physical level opens you to an increased risk and probability of injury and creates a brittle and obvious vulnerability with which to attack you. Imagine that you have back pain (side note: who is a pain in your back?) and you feel that you keep having to carry those around you (cleaning more than you should, footing the bill more than you should…). You must keep your back massaged, limber, and healthy otherwise it will break under the weight that your stress is putting on it! Yoga is the preferred way to help that and instead of putting the power into someone else (massage therapist, doctor, etc) it gives you the ability to self medicate whenever you need or want to.
It doesn’t matter if you do breath meditation or pranayama (breath yoga) as long as you also train yourself to check in with your breath during the day especially when things are stressful. For example, you might hold your breath in traffic and not even realize it. You might definitely hold your breath when people are arguing with you. Either way, consider checking in with yourself like “DUDE– BREATHE” every so often and be amazed at realizing how often you hold your breath. Then correct it and amaze yourself at how good you are at breathing through the stressful moments!
Don’t worry if you think you’ll forget, just set a reminder on your phone to go off maybe once every few hours and that should do it. Even just the word “BREATHE” because I guarantee even that simple message will make you deeply inhale and then deeply exhale (I did just typing that)!
Vampires can’t mess with someone who is breathing through their frustration. Breathing is a “pause” in the moment that allows the person breathing to craft a response in their favor instead of a reaction that will give the vampire an “in” to drain! Imagine that you are arguing with someone you don’t like and instead of responding immediately, you take a deep breath and slowly let it out. In that 2 second period of time (or longer) you stop and think “this is stupid” and act from a place that says “yo… I’m done arguing, can we not?” Right there– you’ve stopped a full-fledge psychic drain in its tracks! Now what? Now you keep breathing and you find that as you take time to nourish your spirit (breathing is the #1 most important thing we do and the air we breathe is the #1 food we take into our bodies), you have an abundance of positive energy that you can respond positively with instead of reacting negatively to being drained. In other words, you react because you all of a sudden feel a lack of energy– scarcity– from being attacked by a vampire whereas when you breathe you can respond because you realize there is an abundance of energy around us all that is free for us any time we need or want it. 🙂 The more fulfilled you are, the more vampires are turned off by you– they will still try to mess with you from time to time (just like people still want to meet celebrities) but they ultimately won’t be able to do much to you or with you because you are fulfilled. Imagine that you are a container (not that it’s too much of a stretch because you are actually a container!) and when you breathe completely, you fill your container and this is your personal space and boundaries. Now, imagine that you did not fill your container and instead there is a hole in a part of it. Someone may come into this hole and try to fill it– once they have permeated your boundaries (like a vampire will try to do) you can be upset and become irritated (give them an in to drain you) or you can take a whimsical “whoops how did you get in here?” attitude and take a deep breath and fill that part of your container and redefine your boundaries.
Yes, people will try to violate your boundaries, but as you see them coming into your space, you can respond instead of react. It’s the difference between leaving your house door wide open and then realizing someone has wandered into your house when they face you or having your window open, door closed and realizing someone is trying to break into your house. If someone is already in your house because you didn’t close the door (by making sure to nourish yourself completely), that is a much more challenging situation to resolve (or at least very awkward). You will have to judge whether this person means you harm (psychic vampire) or is there by accident. If someone is trying to break in through your window, you can already tell they’re not coming in for good purposes and you can respond with whatever tools you feel are appropriate and healthy for you instead of facing a critical threat when it has already violated your personal boundaries. 🙂 In essence, learning to breath through frustration is learning to close the door or lock the window (or both) when you feel that someone or something is trying to come into a space (your space) that you don’t want them in. If that breach has already occurred, your breath is the strength you summon to escort that person or situation out. Of course breath isn’t the only tool you may ever need, but it is very helpful in eliminating the initial need for tools.
You have to laugh. Nothing is funny and everything sucks and that means that you need to find hilarious things to laugh at so that you can remember the beauty in life. It doesn’t matter what it is— just find joy! And then forgive yourself for laughing and feel grateful that someone was able to provide you with a shimmery smile. Sometimes you might even find that something that’s not even that funny will just break your dam of held back emotions and make you tear up from laughing so hard! Perfection! Laughter is the best aura repair and block against psychic vampires! The more you laugh, the better you fare. So give yourself something to smile about. 🙂
A psychic vampire will see you laughing and already know that you’re so strong there isn’t much they can get from you. If you are a car, laughter is the gasoline that propels you down the road of life. Psychic vampires are the people coming up to the window of your car and your laughter is the full tank of gas that lets you drive on by with a big smile on your face.
7. TREAT YO SELF.
You have to take care of yourself and if that means a hot shower with the door locked DO IT. If that means a bath, DO IT. If that means a chocolate cupcake DO IT. It doesn’t matter what the hell it is, you need to keep yourself nourished and sometimes that means treating yourself. Try to be reasonable but if all else fails, don’t look back: TREAT YO SELF.
Treating yourself is like patching up the battle wounds that psychic vampires leave behind (or have left behind). If vampires are like a black fog hanging over your head, treating yourself is the fan that points directly on that fog to help blow it away. You deserve to know that you are special and wonderful and while psychic vampires want to use you as a garbage dump for their negative emotions, treating yourself with love is the garbage truck and cleaning crew that comes to remove that debris so you can be your happiest, healthiest, self.
8. Get enough sleep.
You’ve got to sleep and even though you’ll want to stay up all night and wax poetic and feel like shit, you can’t. You won’t be able to ward off a fly without issues and that’s just not okay. Getting enough sleep means that you’re able to let stuff roll off your shoulders like nothing and keep moving forward in owning your life. Plus your body repairs itself and makes itself beautiful and fabulous and if you already feel drained and gross, you damn well better get that beauty sleep to feel at least sleepy and makeover ready.
You can minimize sleep deprivers by avoiding screens before bed (TV, computer, cell phone) and using books or note pads to solve your media needs instead. Also try to avoid stimulating foods like chocolate and caffeine and come sun down utilize mood lighting as much as possible. By mood lighting I mean candles or dim overhead lights. As time progresses, turn off more lights. Trust that it makes the transition into sleep much easier and after awhile you just like the lights that way. 🙂
Psychic vampires prey on you all the time but if you’re tired, forget it! You might as well hook up a psychic IV line from your energy directly into their spirit. There is a reason why in yoga asana, savasana or corpse pose is the most important pose of the class. That final resting pose (as it would be translated in meaning) is where all the hard work of repairing and releasing and processing actually sinks into your body and your cells and sends all the positive emotions and love that you’ve cultivated. Imagine all the other positive things you do to become your healthiest are seeds you’re planting, yoga and exercise are the act of sowing the seeds and weeding the garden and sleep and meditation are the times when you water the garden! If you’re not sleeping enough, you are putting a more positive, healthy you in drought! Sleep is the lubricant of self love and without that fluidity, you will continue to fall prey to vampires and their drainings.
9. Dress nicely.
Of course you should wear what makes you HAPPY (#1), FEELS GOOD (#2) and hopefully that looks nice (IN YOUR OPINION). So what that means is, if you think wearing sweat pants around town is sloppy, then dude– do NOT give in to wearing sweat pants around town! Keep up with your dress minimums (aka don’t break your own fashion rules because you feel so low and worthless) and do your hair and or make up and just pretend like your life is not a pointless exercise in feeding other people’s egos because you have an ego of your own and you need to take care of it! Yes, the ego is okay– the ego is the part of you that says “THIS PERSON IS A BUMMER AND THEY NEED TO GO” and that’s a very healthy part of you to keep around. So, it’s okay to have an ego and to want to take cute selfies. You’re way too cool to feel like crap and look like it simply because other people don’t know how to take a deep breath and give themselves a hug!
The “screw-it-I’m-a-loser-anyway” attitude is the kind of negative BS psychic vampires leave you with but that’s not you! And to combat that, put on your damn war paint and battle gear that looks like you giving a shit about yourself. Seriously. You caring enough to put on make up and jeans says “I don’t care how much you try to siphon out of my energy, you can’t break me. I am limitless” which makes you impervious to attacks because no one wants to bother with someone who looks like they’re ready for a fight. You are perfection and you deserve to feel like it, warrior.
10. Stand up for yourself.
All of these tips have been leading up to helping you empower yourself enough to say “I don’t feel like talking to you right now so I’m not going to.” or “I said no, you knew the answer so now leave me alone.” When you’ve been fulfilled on a physical and emotional level, you feel empowered enough to maintain your boundaries. When you are nourished, you don’t want to give that to someone who hurts you. It’s easy to acknowledge people who suck in a loving way but that doesn’t mean giving into their fits and abuse. So the more you stand up for yourself the better you feel.
Vampires will always fight to feed off of previously delicious meals but if you take care of yourself and do what you can to keep nourishing your inner and outer existence, you’ll find that laying claim to your boundaries and refusing to be a buffet table/doormat for your positive energy becomes easier and easier. Sometimes you might not mind giving your precious energy away but sometimes it’s important to say “Eat poop– this is mine and you can’t have it!” As you continue to practice these tips, you stop starving for positive energy because you are empowered enough to know that there is no lack. If there are psychic vampires around you, you may show them the ways in which they can care for themselves. If they aren’t receptive to these messages, then you will be strong enough to shut them down and eventually they will just stop trying because no one likes to waste their time and energy even if they are stealing energy from anyone they can!
Hopefully these tips will help you to become empowered and fulfilled in your day to day interactions. It can get incredibly intense as you make moves to cut negative ties even if that’s just in the regular interactions you have. While that’s a topic for another blog, just remember that you’re not protecting and uplifting yourself because of vampires or to defend yourself against vampires– you’re doing it for you to be healthy and happy. A bonus of all these tips and tricks are that they are excellent vampire repellants but they are also just excellent healthy habits that will help you to be a happy and fulfilled person. Happy and fulfilled people don’t have to deal with psychic vampires because psychic vampires don’t have access to happy fulfilled people! Many of these tips are major life changes and you may find that you’re better at engaging in them to varying degrees over time but any one of these tips will help you immensely.
Included below are some “bonus tips” that are quick and easy mood boosters to help you get to a better place quickly where you can think about or act upon some of the tips outlined above. If you’re really down, you’ll want to pick yourself up before thinking about diving into self love. So try out some of the quick and easy self love tips to give yourself a boost of empowerment!
– listen to music (it’s like bathing your aura in bliss)
– smell beautiful things like essential oils or the plants they come from
– connect with nature (put your feet in the sand, grass, hug a tree, caress a flower
– take herbal medicines (like St John’s Wort, kava kava, passionflower, hibiscus, nettle, red raspberry, lemon balm, lavender and more!)
– drink enough water (can’t be drained if you’re not in a drought; if you’re in a drought you can’t be drained either but you sure won’t be able to stimulate growth very well :))
– hug daily (you should aim for at least 5 hugs a day but 1 will do)
– color (make art or color in coloring books. it’s very therapeutic! Do it for your inner child!)
– make your bed (if you do nothing else, make your bed)
– find good qualities in all the bad things (like 1 nice thing about not-nice people; the good parts of a bad day– every day is like a new recipe and sometimes the recipe overall wasn’t very palatable but there are always ingredients that are good so remember and acknowledge those while you ditch the rest)